Story time with Q. The Rogaine Story.

Big Q TSM

When I was going to broadcasting school, the movie “Private Parts” came out. It was the movie about Howard Stern.

It affected me. I failed a few classes because I tried my hand at the “shock jock” style. My instructor was old school and was not having any of it.

The problem was that the “shock” fire was lit, so, I started using it in everyday conversations.

I’ve always had a different way of thinking. My normal is other peoples abnormal. It happens.

My style of conversation is to start at the extreme and work my way down to the mundane. Example…”So, it turns out woman should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.” (Pause for effect) “The shock of hot grease being splashed on the baby belly will induce labor.”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard anyone ever say.”

“Really?”

It’s at this point that I know I’m talking a boring idiot so I down shift straight to low gear.

(In a condescending tone) “How about this weather we’re having?”

The first part of that conversation starter actually got me fired. Some idiot was so offended that they complained to the business Nazi’s (H.R.)

When I told them that I wasn’t even talking to the complainer, they said that it didn’t matter; they heard it and were offended.

I said that I was offended that they were eavesdropping on my conversation. They said that I should’ve complained about it then. How could I complain when I didn’t know they were listening? That’s irrelevant and you’ll have to leave the building. I can’t leave until you lick my taint!

It was at this point that security was called.

Anyway, the Rogaine Story.

A few years back a new H.R. person was hired. I’m still harboring some animosity towards that department in general, so I greeted the person one day with a thought I had in the shower that morning.

“I have a great idea to help out kids with cancer” I said.

“Really what’s that?”

“Well the chemo makes them lose their hair right?

“Right.”

“Well people grow out their hair, which has to be at least 10 inches, and send it in to make wigs for the kids. Well if you’ve ever had to grow out your hair you know it’s a huge hassle. So much so that it takes a lot to get someone to do it. So instead of depending on people to grow out their hair you can just cut off the heads of dead homeless people, shove them into a barrel full of Rogaine and then pull the heads out after a few years and trim away all the hair you need, because hair keeps growing once your dead.”

You could’ve driven a truck into her mouth it was open so wide in shock. I actually started laughing at the way she looked. She just shook her head and said that she had never heard anything so crazy in her life.

“Wait. It’s only your first day. People call me Q. Nice to meet you. Welcome to radio.”